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I’ve been meditating. Everyday. Several times a day. And I can feel the momentum building… a momentum of presence.

And I have been reading, although reading so often leaves me wanting.

After hundreds and hundreds of pages on Indian Yogis and the proper scientific practice of meditation and yoga, I came upon something really powerful. Simple and powerful. And humorous. Hundreds of pages describing complex techniques, intense discipline, practiced to perfection… it all felt silly and unnecessary to me, like patting the head while rubbing the belly. And then came the chapter on Samyama.

The emotion that came as I read the first few paragraphs on Samyama were so powerful I had to put the book down and just cry and cry and laugh. No exaggeration, it felt like I had discovered what I had been searching for my entire life. Here it was and it was so simple! And something I already knew! (Of course!)

I’m going to sum up Samyama in my own words, because in going back and re-reading the original text, my overwhelming sense it that it can be so much simpler than described there.

It starts with the basic stillness found in meditation. You do not need years and years of meditative practice, or even hours and hours. Once you’ve found that calm silence (could be your first time) Samyama can be utilized.

From that state of calm silence, gently pick up a word that represents your desire. Just one word that represents a powerful intention. Let’s start with Love. You are in silence, you pick up the word Love, hold it just long enough to feel it and then let it go, go back into silence. Stay in the silence for a bit (maybe 10-15 seconds). Pick up the word Love again, hold it until you feel it, let it go back into the silence. Repeat as many times as you like and then move onto another intention.

That’s it. Easy.

The three words I prefer to use are Love, Unity, and Radiance. Because to me, it kind of emphasizes the very process of Samyama. In reaching for silence, love appears. With love comes unity or communion with All That Is. Radiance broadcasts that ‘One Love’ back out to the boundaries of the Universe. And as a result, my life becomes the physical manifestation of all of that!

You can use any word representing any desire or intention you hold. There are no rules and you need not worry because you cannot have a bad intention. No matter what you throw into the silence, only goodness comes bouncing back. You can’t get it wrong! One important point… don’t expect some miraculous happening during your meditation as a result of Samyama (voices, epiphany, visions, etc.)… look for the the effects in your daily life.

Try it… you’ll like it!

Next post, I’ll talk about how this super simple picking up and letting go is used outside of meditation.

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I’ve recently heard a new take on imagination… you may find this concept as potent as I do.

Imagination does not originate in the human mind, but is communication from the higher mind (inner being/higher self/universe… however you define that broader perspective).

The higher mind is communicating the version of reality you prefer, but you are only capable of receiving the message within the framework of your current understanding… so your human mind generates images like the car, or the lover, or the adventure you seek… because it is, in a sense, as close to the true potential you are currently able to conceive. That’s why, when it manifests, it’s so much better than we imagined.

Once you are able to imagine something, it has already begun manifesting… you’ve attracted the imagery from your higher mind, the beginning stage of receiving. You’re not ‘putting it out there’ for the universe to respond to, you are receiving what the universe is already in the process of delivering to you.

Unless you change your mind, of course! Make sense?

 

A nod to all the interesting birdie encounters I’ve been having lately…

 

Stream of consciousness, unedited rambling…..

The death of Steve Jobs. Huge. T posted a video of him giving a commencement speech at Stanford and it affected me huge. He talked about following your intuition and your heart and knowing that it will all work out, everything else is secondary. Stay hungry, stay foolish. So now I’m thinking of what I should be doing instead of what I am doing. And I have no idea what it is! I know what it feels like, but I have no idea where to find it or what direction to move in… and that is what keeps me standing still.

So, all I’ve got to go on is the feeling. I know what what I want feels like more than anything else I know… it is an immediate, close, intimate, deep, emotional knowing… when I focus there.

Sunday morning, my dog and I were walking through the wooded area that is now our favourite path. Something about being in those woods triggers alignment for me more than just a regular walk. I feel like I’m entering a different world, like walking through ‘something’… no idea how to articulate it. While there, I am reminded to focus on the feeling instead of the details. I feel around for the feeling, what I think the feeling is that I want to attain, and it always comes back to ‘love’.

At first it feels hokey. “I want to feel love”. But as I settle into the depths of it, remember moments when I was deeply in love, or in awe, or overwhelmed with joy or appreciation… one of the first things that always comes to mind is Mark. The moment I think of Mark, my heart fills. I just love him so much. I’m not sure why he triggers that feeling so deeply in me, more than anyone else… probably because I feel like I truly see him, I know him, I love him completely and unconditionally. When I think of Mark, or spend time with him, all I want to do is love him. Tell him I love him, hug him, kiss him, look at him and love. It is not a sexual thing, not a romantic thing. It is just pure, true, unconditional love. I just love him, love him, love him. And then there is little to actually say to him after that. It is all just love.

And then, of course, there is D. I felt that way about him for the first few years of our relationship… unconditional. Heart swelling with love at the thought of his face. And I do still feel that way when I take the time to focus there, or when I’m feeling particularly good. I’d like to feel that way about him more, always.

This is the stream of thought… goes from Mark, to D, to the day I saw Paul McCartney in concert (such a crescendo moment in my life…HUGE!), to the day I got my wisdom teeth out. Funny.

That day I got my wisdom teeth out, I took oxycotin (sp?) and was in love with EVERYTHING. I loved my bed, my pillow, my sheets, my room, my dog, D, the house, everything everything. I was just so so happy. So deeply in love with everything. I could feel it in every cell of my body. Love. And that is the same feeling I feel when I think of Mark, and when I’m resistance free about D.

That is what I want. I want that feeling more. I want to feel that regularly. I’ve been thinking about it more and more. It started in the woods on that walk last Sunday. Thinking about just loving everything. Teary eyed, heart swelling love for everything. Like the Olympics and that darn theme song!

And its right there, right here… up close, immediate, instantaneous. It is a letting loose, a letting go, a happy cry caused by emotional release, it is ultimate ease, dramatic relief.

THAT is what I want, and what Steve Jobs’ speech inspired in me today.

Abraham-Hicks has been talking a lot lately about conjuring the emotion of how you prefer to feel and the manifestation will fill in around it.

I know that conjuring the emotion works and it works quickly. I’ve utilized it consciously a few times lately but the best experience I’ve had with it was years ago when I conjured my way onto a Bryan Adams tour. It was before The Secret had come out, but I was already familiar with the concept of ‘ask and it is given’ and visualization.

This is how I manifested going on tour… something that I wanted desperately at the time:

Laying in my bed at night, I would close my eyes and imagine I was going to sleep in the bunk of a tour bus. I could feel the confines of the smaller space, the thinness of the mattress beneath me, the presence of others sleeping close by. But mostly, and I believe this is the key, I felt the satisfaction of being exactly where I wanted to be.

I could feel it physically, my belly and heart relaxing and opening up… relief, satisfaction, contentment. I was where I wanted to be and it felt great.

I did that for a few nights in a row until I just kinda got bored of it or forgot to do it.

Three weeks later, I received a phone call from Bryan Adams tour manager asking me if I could join them on the road in three days!!! Oh my God! It was like winning the lottery… and it came right to me, they sought me out.

I left home 3 days later and enjoyed every single moment of traveling across the country, finding my way to the hotel, meeting the other people on the tour and the people I’d be sharing a bus with. I was hired to be Bryan’s ‘wardrobe girl’ but had no idea what that meant or what was expected of me, especially since he only ever seemed to wear t-shirts and jeans. How much wardrobe could he have to manage?

At the end of that long first day, when we were all on the bus and heading to the next city, I climbed into my bunk, settled in and closed my eyes. And suddenly it hit me! I’ve been here before! This is exactly what I had visualized! Throughout the whole experience, from that phone call inviting me on the road to flying across Canada to join them, I had not connected the dots. But once my head was on that pillow in that tiny little bunk, it was like déjà vu and I knew I had created it all.

And I did it by conjuring the emotion and letting it fill in around me… because I did not yet know about the law of attraction or Abraham and was not watching, watching, watching for results. I just lived the emotion and then went on living my life. That is how you allow, I’m finally coming to understand.

My tour pass

I’ve always had a kind of ‘vision board in my head’ and know how powerful visions are because so much of mine have come into being. Then my sister gave me a ‘vision board kit’ for Christmas. Just like when I first saw The Secret, I got all revved up anew thinking about all the amazing experiences I’d like to attract into my life.

Up until now, I’ve never made a vision board because vision boards are meant to be pinned up somewhere you can see them on a daily basis. And if I can see it, that means others will be able to see it too… and I’m kinda private about my desires. That’s why I’m still trying to keep this blog anonymous. Because then I can put anything I want out there and no one in my life can say ‘what! you want/think that! AS IF’.

Making things visible brings accountability somehow, either through a feeling of needing to justify my desires or feeling self conscious about if and when they’ll appear. It’s like, by putting it out there, suddenly the onus is on me to bring it about or prove that I know what I’m doing with this whole vision board business.

But then lately I heard a simple piece of advice that resonated with me so profoundly that it has changed my approach to so many aspects of my life…’Apologize to no one, explain yourself to no one.’

Which is brilliant! And this is why… Firstly, apologizing is like asking for the right to exist, like you need someone’s permission. And explaining usually comes from a feeling of inadequacy. When you know yourself and are strong and clear minded, the tendency to want to explain yourself disappears. YOU know and it doesn’t matter whether anyone else gets it or not.

So, I decided to assemble a huge, brilliantly coloured, blatantly decadent vision board for all to see. Because I don’t need to explain or justify myself to anyone.

What I’ve discovered in the process of vision board creation is that assembling, bit by bit, images and phrases that capture the essence of your desire is a very potent act. It is a powerful opportunity to focus and clarify. And I’ve been having a fun, lighthearted time just hanging out with me and daydreaming about all my future adventures.

The finished product is more powerful than the sum of it’s parts… but here are just a few bits:

Glorious Day, redsparklegirl,

I know you’ve been thinking about me lately, wanting to get some of my perspective on things. So, here I am ready to lay it all out!

You often have the thought that you’ve changed your thinking significantly yet your physical world is exactly the same and it frustrates you. You think this thought so regularly, you don’t even notice it most times. Sometimes it’s as subtle as mild impatience when observing your surroundings, mild discomfort about ‘having’ to be at work. You miss it most times because it is rarely a fully articulated thought, but more a fluctuating state of being… you would probably describe it as mild irritation, sometimes mild boredom. Seems insignificant, especially in relation to the extraordinary feelings of expansion and joy you regularly tap into, but consider where you reside mostly. 

What you are realizing now is the significance of these mild occurances, these mild disturbances. This awareness makes it easy to let that last bit of resistance go, like flipping a switch – instantaneously, the darkness no longer exists. You are in the midst of that glorious ‘aha’ moment that changes it all.

At this very moment, you have already discovered a new way of seeing that will be the key to everything you desire. You have touched on this in the past but did not make it a part of your everyday perception. You sensed the power of it but became distracted and let it go. Now you have a firm grip and it becomes, from this very moment, the lense through which you observe all physical reality. It is how your higher self sees and it is the key to deliberate creation.

But this is already part of your knowing and I’d like to leave you with a glimpse of what is next. All of the things you have been envisioning and wishing for, all of the things you use to compile your vision of ‘you’, are based on old versions of yourself. Even your present self is an old version as you are expanding exponentially. Though your vision of the future is powerful and will help guide you, it is but a glimmer of who you truly are from my perspective. It is so much better than you ever imagined! You’ll see!

Giddy with that ‘hurry up and open your present’ anticipation,

Future Self

I’ve been getting too caught up in the particulars and details of what I want to happen, how, when, etc. and it’s got me all outta whack.

So I took my dog for a walk to our favourite walkin’ place to clear my head. As we arrived, the big blue open sky was being overtaken by this massive, heavy, low-riding, dark cloud. I was momentarily irked that it was blocking out the last bit of sunlight I was looking forward to enjoying.

I let that irked feeling go and decided to enjoy myself anyway. And the cloud was quite interesting to look at really, very unique… it had character.

My dog and I walked about, through our usual trails, stopping at the usual spots to admire the view, listen to the waves, watch the birds. By the time we made the loop and started heading back towards the truck, I had let go of all the pent up frustration I had trying to orchestrate my life and remembered that I don’t have to DO anything. I can just let it come to me and have fun enjoying life in the meantime.

By this time, the cloud had pretty much taken over the landscape. It changed the feel and the light. It was that eerie, calm before the storm feeling. Everything on the verge of darkness.

Here’s the part that is difficult to describe… the sun got low enough in the sky that it was now below the monster cloud. Getting ready to set, it’s rich, deep orange light illuminated the landscape in a way I’ve never quite seen before contrasted against the darkness of the heavy cloud. The air was thick, almost like a fog, which allowed the light to fill up the space even more as it had more ‘stuff’ to reflect off. I was so in awe, I found it difficult to stay on the path, often stopping to try to take it all in. Intense happiness resonated through every cell of my body as I thought ‘this is the most glorious experience I’ve ever had here’ (the place I consider my sanctuary).

Just then, I look up to see the most opaque and vibrant rainbow I’ve ever seen! It was breathtaking and I actually made an audible sound as I first saw it. Then I noticed the second rainbow! A double rainbow! It was beautiful. And as I stepped forward to get a better view, a huge flock of birds flew overhead like the perfect dramatic accent to top off the sublime moment. I was in tears of joy. It felt the like Universe had specifically orchestrated all of the elements – timing, cloud arrangement, the wind, the sunset, the birds – all as a presentation to me and me alone!

Words will never do it justice, but I wanted to capture its essence here as a touchstone for later.

Glorious!

In regards to my wanting my own amphitheatre…

Firstly, there is a guy I’ve known for a couple of years who has recently re-entered my life on a more regular basis and we are bonding in a crazy good way. We seem to see the world in very similar ways. He’s an artist and techno musician. He also happens to organize some really interesting art-music festival type events and has asked me to help him throw the next big event with him coming up in a few months. Says he can’t find anyone who really knows how to stage a big event in this small-ish city of ours. Thinks I’d be perfect for the job. Very cool because it’s kind of in line with what I’d like to do (performance based spectacle) though maybe a bit too fringe/artsy for my preferences.

I’ve decided to roll with it, see where it takes me.

Then tonight as I’m leaving work, I run into a concert promoter I’ve worked with a ton in the past. Haven’t seen him for five years. He’s based in Toronto and is here doing a small theatre concert. We chat and catch up a little bit, talking about how the gallery job has worked out well for me (since I’ve been there for a while). I mention to him that what I’d really like to see is an amphitheatre built in my city, so I don’t have to go all the way to Toronto to be part of the scene. I kinda expected him to laugh it off, since he is a big concert promoter and really knows his stuff.

Instead, he asks me a bunch of questions about the logistics of how it could happen, which I just so happened to have thought a bunch about and offer up some possibilities. And he starts getting excited about the idea. I could see the thoughts forming, the possibilities being imagined. He mentions he’s going to see a particular financial hotshot in the next week and I ask him to mention it to him. He seems open to the idea, tells me to ‘keep that thought going… you never know’ and says ‘this would be a good place to retire’ (meaning he’s interested in being part of the project!)

Just feels like things are starting to happen and I’m super excited about it!

Like the goings-on at work, my man is an excellent and immediate reflection of my state of mind. The last few nights I have found it difficult to sleep next to him because his breathing wakes me up. He doesn’t even snore, thank God, but just by breathing he awakens me. And then I get angry at him. For breathing. And I know it is a sure fire sign that my state of mind is slipping.

This has been going on for three nights now with my resentment towards him growing. This morning he would not do what I wanted him to do, so I blamed him some more for my poor mood.

Just now, I get home for lunch after he’s been home all morning alone. He left for work just before I arrived. His alarm clock is going off. He’s made a mess in the kitchen. He didn’t do any of the stuff he should have done in preparation for our road trip this weekend AND he ate all my Crunch N Munch. That was the topper. The Crunch N Munch.

I know all of this is coming to me because of my mood. I also know it is all really minor stuff not worth sacrificing my happiness for, but when in the midst of it I just wanna throw a tantrum!

PLEASE let this afternoon be better than this!

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