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I’ve been hesitant to post this for months now, but here goes…

In early October, I was asleep in my bed when I awoke in the middle of the night. I was laying on my back, my husband beside me to my right. Suddenly, my right arm raised up in the air, reached over my husband and started making these strange gestures. Thing was, I was not the one moving my hand! It wasn’t me! I was watching it happen, but I was not doing it. It was like my hand was possessed and moving of its own free will, like it was casting a spell on him!

After a few moments, my arm went back to rest at my side. But then my left arm raised up. My hand moved to just above my abdomen and started to gesture and swirl. The weirdest thing about it was that I had no reaction… I just watched it happening and when it stopped, I rolled over and went back to sleep like nothing happened.

As I rolled over to sleep, the name Gabriel popped into my head.

The next morning, I’d forgotten all about it. Something I saw online reminded me, so I googled ‘Gabriel’. Many of you may know this already (I didn’t), Gabriel is the Archangel that appeared to Mary, foretelling the birth of Jesus.

I had had 2 dreams of pregnancy and a possible allusion to ‘baby’ in a recent psychic reading, but was in denial that I could actually be pregnant… reason being, I’d been trying for 8 years unsuccessfully and had given up believing it could be. I hadn’t used birth control of any kind in 13 years and not one pregnancy! I really truly believed I could not get pregnant. So when the dreams came, I dismissed them.

But when Gabriel came, possessed my hands and made strange magical gestures over my husband and myself, I decided it was time to do a home pregnancy test. It was positive and today I am 18 weeks pregnant with a girl. I am often still in disbelief about it.

Let me make this clear, though, I am not a religious person and I am in NO WAY implying that this baby has anything to do with Jesus. I have been communicating more and more often with spirit in the past months, but the use of religious symbolism really surprised me. I do feel this pregnancy is a miracle though. 🙂

Here she is at 11 weeks along. Until I saw her on the monitor, I was convinced I was making it all up!

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Had a dream last night something about ‘remembering’ that I am only a small portion of 3 segments… feels like ‘guide’, ‘me’, then Sandy who takes up about 80% of the continuum. Woke up feeling like this was an important thing to remember, an important thing I was remembering. As I fell back to sleep, every time I reached for that remembering, my awareness shifted very swiftly… like I surfaced from somewhere deep, right up to my third eye in a flash. It happened at least three times and meant to me in the moment that the idea was valid and potent. ‘Right on’. Like the swift movement was validation of the thought.

Overnight L emailed… mentioned he noticed my channelling post was removed and said it was too bad because it was very good. I wrote him back a long email about all the ‘struggles’ I’ve been having with channelling… not finding someone to help me, feeling like I was making it all up, feeling like it wasn’t happening fast enough or at all, being confused by the messages I’m getting in dream state and their lack of evidence in my wake state. Got me asking questions…

Why is it so important that what you are learning in your dream state be reflected in your wake state?

Because then I know that it is real. If none of my hunches ‘play out’, how will I ever be able to know that what I’m doing is valid? If none of them play out, what value are they?

Maybe they are playing out but not in the way you suspect.

That’s fine. I just want them to play out in some way, ideally some meaningful way… otherwise, what’s the point? What is their value if they do not provide value!?! What is their value if they do not translate to this physical realm? It’s the reason I do not want to teach… because what is the value of the idea if it does not translate to the physical realm? So many teachers for so long have been talking and talking about these ideas, but very few people (if any) have really grasped them and translated them to the physical realm. Even the teachers themselves! Look at Esther, look at Darryl. Are they living these things? Are they living them in the way I want to live them? The way I imagine they can be lived?

I’ve recently heard a new take on imagination… you may find this concept as potent as I do.

Imagination does not originate in the human mind, but is communication from the higher mind (inner being/higher self/universe… however you define that broader perspective).

The higher mind is communicating the version of reality you prefer, but you are only capable of receiving the message within the framework of your current understanding… so your human mind generates images like the car, or the lover, or the adventure you seek… because it is, in a sense, as close to the true potential you are currently able to conceive. That’s why, when it manifests, it’s so much better than we imagined.

Once you are able to imagine something, it has already begun manifesting… you’ve attracted the imagery from your higher mind, the beginning stage of receiving. You’re not ‘putting it out there’ for the universe to respond to, you are receiving what the universe is already in the process of delivering to you.

Unless you change your mind, of course! Make sense?

 

 

I am reminded again and again to go inward. And am trusting what I find there more everyday.

I get caught up in the Occupy movement or documentaries like Thrive, but am always left feeling a bit dissatisfied… maybe its the slow pace of change, maybe its the magnitude of the ‘problem’.

But then I go inward and remember, Occupy and Thrive are merely symbols of the mass awakening. These movements are not the answer, but are just the first stirring of the masses about to wake into full knowing.

Once awake, the entire game changes. Once awake, we remember that manipulating or reorganizing the outer reality takes tremendous effort for little result. But by shifting the inner reality, the slightest touch moves mountains… like the hub of a wheel, the smallest shift in the centre has a massive effect at the outer edges.

 

A nod to all the interesting birdie encounters I’ve been having lately…

 

Stream of consciousness, unedited rambling…..

The death of Steve Jobs. Huge. T posted a video of him giving a commencement speech at Stanford and it affected me huge. He talked about following your intuition and your heart and knowing that it will all work out, everything else is secondary. Stay hungry, stay foolish. So now I’m thinking of what I should be doing instead of what I am doing. And I have no idea what it is! I know what it feels like, but I have no idea where to find it or what direction to move in… and that is what keeps me standing still.

So, all I’ve got to go on is the feeling. I know what what I want feels like more than anything else I know… it is an immediate, close, intimate, deep, emotional knowing… when I focus there.

Sunday morning, my dog and I were walking through the wooded area that is now our favourite path. Something about being in those woods triggers alignment for me more than just a regular walk. I feel like I’m entering a different world, like walking through ‘something’… no idea how to articulate it. While there, I am reminded to focus on the feeling instead of the details. I feel around for the feeling, what I think the feeling is that I want to attain, and it always comes back to ‘love’.

At first it feels hokey. “I want to feel love”. But as I settle into the depths of it, remember moments when I was deeply in love, or in awe, or overwhelmed with joy or appreciation… one of the first things that always comes to mind is Mark. The moment I think of Mark, my heart fills. I just love him so much. I’m not sure why he triggers that feeling so deeply in me, more than anyone else… probably because I feel like I truly see him, I know him, I love him completely and unconditionally. When I think of Mark, or spend time with him, all I want to do is love him. Tell him I love him, hug him, kiss him, look at him and love. It is not a sexual thing, not a romantic thing. It is just pure, true, unconditional love. I just love him, love him, love him. And then there is little to actually say to him after that. It is all just love.

And then, of course, there is D. I felt that way about him for the first few years of our relationship… unconditional. Heart swelling with love at the thought of his face. And I do still feel that way when I take the time to focus there, or when I’m feeling particularly good. I’d like to feel that way about him more, always.

This is the stream of thought… goes from Mark, to D, to the day I saw Paul McCartney in concert (such a crescendo moment in my life…HUGE!), to the day I got my wisdom teeth out. Funny.

That day I got my wisdom teeth out, I took oxycotin (sp?) and was in love with EVERYTHING. I loved my bed, my pillow, my sheets, my room, my dog, D, the house, everything everything. I was just so so happy. So deeply in love with everything. I could feel it in every cell of my body. Love. And that is the same feeling I feel when I think of Mark, and when I’m resistance free about D.

That is what I want. I want that feeling more. I want to feel that regularly. I’ve been thinking about it more and more. It started in the woods on that walk last Sunday. Thinking about just loving everything. Teary eyed, heart swelling love for everything. Like the Olympics and that darn theme song!

And its right there, right here… up close, immediate, instantaneous. It is a letting loose, a letting go, a happy cry caused by emotional release, it is ultimate ease, dramatic relief.

THAT is what I want, and what Steve Jobs’ speech inspired in me today.

A picture was taken of me the afternoon of my high school prom. I was 18 and giddy, dancing around my best friend’s bedroom in an over-sized mens plaid shirt. My face was full of life, eyes glowing, huge open mouth smile. I was unselfconscious and carefree.

I gave the picture to one of my boyfriends over the years, because though he didn’t know me when it was taken, he said it was the most amazing picture of me and wanted to keep it. I kinda agreed with him, it was a great picture.

When I first heard Abraham-Hicks talk about being ‘the fullness of who you are’, that photograph popped into my head and I realized why we both had liked it so much. I was being fully who I was, an uninhibited lover of life. And that’s attractive.

Thinking about it more, I realized that I can be that fullest version of myself in any moment. It feels a bit like when you’re caught up in a daydream and suddenly you snap back into the clear, focused present moment… from distracted and scattered to fully present, in an instant. Like stepping back into myself, somehow (where was I?).

Then, everything I see is crisp and clear like wearing new glasses for the first time. Each blade of grass or leaf on a tree is uber-visible. Sounds are clearer, more individually distinguishable and interesting. People are intriguing and beautifully quirky. And I feel really, really good.

Not long after that, I’ve noticed, amazing things start to occur. Synchronicities and manifestations and epiphanies… oh my! 😉

Abraham-Hicks has been talking a lot lately about conjuring the emotion of how you prefer to feel and the manifestation will fill in around it.

I know that conjuring the emotion works and it works quickly. I’ve utilized it consciously a few times lately but the best experience I’ve had with it was years ago when I conjured my way onto a Bryan Adams tour. It was before The Secret had come out, but I was already familiar with the concept of ‘ask and it is given’ and visualization.

This is how I manifested going on tour… something that I wanted desperately at the time:

Laying in my bed at night, I would close my eyes and imagine I was going to sleep in the bunk of a tour bus. I could feel the confines of the smaller space, the thinness of the mattress beneath me, the presence of others sleeping close by. But mostly, and I believe this is the key, I felt the satisfaction of being exactly where I wanted to be.

I could feel it physically, my belly and heart relaxing and opening up… relief, satisfaction, contentment. I was where I wanted to be and it felt great.

I did that for a few nights in a row until I just kinda got bored of it or forgot to do it.

Three weeks later, I received a phone call from Bryan Adams tour manager asking me if I could join them on the road in three days!!! Oh my God! It was like winning the lottery… and it came right to me, they sought me out.

I left home 3 days later and enjoyed every single moment of traveling across the country, finding my way to the hotel, meeting the other people on the tour and the people I’d be sharing a bus with. I was hired to be Bryan’s ‘wardrobe girl’ but had no idea what that meant or what was expected of me, especially since he only ever seemed to wear t-shirts and jeans. How much wardrobe could he have to manage?

At the end of that long first day, when we were all on the bus and heading to the next city, I climbed into my bunk, settled in and closed my eyes. And suddenly it hit me! I’ve been here before! This is exactly what I had visualized! Throughout the whole experience, from that phone call inviting me on the road to flying across Canada to join them, I had not connected the dots. But once my head was on that pillow in that tiny little bunk, it was like déjà vu and I knew I had created it all.

And I did it by conjuring the emotion and letting it fill in around me… because I did not yet know about the law of attraction or Abraham and was not watching, watching, watching for results. I just lived the emotion and then went on living my life. That is how you allow, I’m finally coming to understand.

My tour pass

I’ve been feeling particularly powerful of late, combined with a sneaking suspicion that this whole deliberate creation thing is actually quite a bit easier than it has been perceived by most. I’m still trying to find clarity on what I mean by ‘easier’ but it is something along the lines of… umm, well, you know how Abraham says that we cannot begin to articulate what is in our vortex, that it is bigger and better than we ever imagined?… well, I think we CAN have clear view of the vortex, we CAN assume that broader perspective of source. And assuming that perspective is as simple as flipping a light switch… first you could not see, but in an instant you can.

Then I had this spectacular dream.

I dreamt I was staying in the same hotel as Jerry and Esther Hicks. They were giving a seminar, but I was not attending. I ran into Esther in a back corridor of the hotel, like a service corridor they might take to and from their seminar. (I was not there looking for guidance, but existing in the same spaces as the teacher).

Somehow it became known/apparent that I knew about a ‘secret’ doorway to a whole other section of the hotel that no one knew about and Esther asked if I would show it to her. I said, ‘are you sure you wanna see it?’ and Esther said, ‘oh yes, I’ve been wanting this for a very long time and would be delighted if you would show me!’ I was giddy as a child as I led her through the passageway into the other side.

I awoke from the dream feeling energized and proud (not the right word) that I had the answer to a question she had been asking… an answer for Esther, after all the answers Abraham has provided me over the years! Very powerful… quite reflective of how I’ve been feeling of late… like I know something bigger, something that has not yet been clearly articulated anywhere, ever.

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