Generally, I have a horrible memory. I like to declare it is because I’m so ‘in the moment’ or ‘forward looking’ that anything before this very now is irrelevant. Because it is irrelevant. And so I let it go. I travel light.

My sister has an exquisite memory and is often astounded that I cannot recall some shared past event as she describes it to me to the tiniest detail. I can glimpse some familiarity in what she is saying, but then just shrug my shoulders and let go of reaching for it. The past just isn’t very interesting to me, personal or otherwise. I don’t feel the energy in it… it feels empty.

Interestingly, though, over the last few months as I’ve been turning inward more and more, I’ve been unintentionally remembering really early stuff from my childhood. I started to think maybe there’s something there to be discovered… some forgotten ability or knowing. In striving to know myself, maybe all this forgetting is actually a hindrance.

Yesterday after reading a bit of Seth material about self-hypnosis, I sat to meditate and easily slipped into a hypnotic state. I found, with delight, that I could go back to my past, to my earliest memories, and explore them with clarity. All sorts of stuff I believed I had no access to any longer was right there, crystal clear. I fluttered through scene after scene, recalling not only the detail and texture of each environment but the detail and texture of my point of view, my state of mind.

As I took in each scene, some detail or object or person would stand out. In the next instant, I’d ‘flash forward’ to a recent moment which contained that very detail, object or person. I’d say to myself, ‘Oh, I just saw that the other day’. This happened over and over, bits from my past appearing in the scenery of my present life.

And I realized… it is all still surrounding me, not mysterious or hidden in some deep recess of my mind, but inherent in every moment. Inherent. All I have ever been is contained in this moment, active or latent through my attention to it. There really is no need to look back. What a relief!

 

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